Married Freaks

Quizzical Pussy posted this excellent entry where she calls out Erik Holland who is something of a troll. Yes on his website (which I won’t honor with a direct link here) he does start to make some solid points about skeletal structure body types and generalizations of masculine and feminine forms. And then he goes way overboard with it. I liken it much to how Sigmund Freud made some excellent and even ground breaking realizations about how the human brain works. Aaaaaaaaaaaaand then he went and said that we all want to fuck our parents. Sig. Can I call you Sig? How long have you felt this way?

I find it interesting and outright weird that body types can be fashionable. From the well-fed women in the frescoes of the Renaissance to Twiggy and beyond, nobody can deny the fact that these things run in trends. I find it far easier to accept that different people like different things. I like flat-chested women. I always have. In junior high when the other thirteen-year-old boys discovered BEWBIES I was simply unimpressed. My eyes were drawn to the girls that had hips and shapely legs. I’ve actually gotten confessions from other men with the same tastes in women. Anything more than a mouthful is a waste after all.

However I have to come to the conclusion that thirteen-year-old me was seeing the same thing as those other boys although through different features – the likelihood of healthy reproduction. On a reptilian level they saw the breasts as a sign that those girls would be able to feed the babies. On the same level I saw the hips for their birthing capabilities and the legs as a survival tool. Since we live in an organized civilization instead of the wild these attractions are not only vestigial they have been reduced to pure aesthetics. I know full well that a flat-chested woman can breast feed perfectly well and she won’t have to fight those things all her life. The other boys? Maybe they never bothered to look down any further than chest level because of the obsession. I really have no idea there.

One way or another as I put it to a work associate once, that’s why God makes them in all sizes and shapes. If everyone looked the same it would be so boring. Honestly I think that very neatly explains racial fetishes. Often we are naturally drawn to what we perceive as exotic. My exotic may be very different than the next guy’s exotic. From that standpoint alone how terrible would it be if everyone looked alike! How does all this relate to Holland and his website? Deep down inside I think he just wants to fuck his own mom.

In the last post Penny touched base on personal preferences on sex which got me to thinking. Each and every one of us has little things that we personally like to see in potential partners. I’m not saying anything about being on the market or not but nobody can deny that the reptilian part of the brain continues to shop even after the conscious mind is very committed. My point is that I very much have a type and pretty much everybody else does as well although case-by-case tastes may deviate quite a bit out of one’s typical tastes. I usually like my girls in the skinny to lightly curvy range including the athletic spectrum with little boobs and a well-defined waist. As far as boobs go I’ve seen some really impressive pairs that I’ve admired but big ones just seem like more trouble than they are worth. They certainly limit the kinds of activities that a woman can put herself through and that adversely limits the portability of my partner. I like symmetrical and balanced, extremely feminine facial features. I find if fascinating that a woman that I think is absolutely gorgeous might be completely passed up by the next guy to come along.

There was a vendor that I did some over-the-phone work with who had two female employees. He was telling me about them and teasing that he was going to fix me up with one of them. He had full knowledge that I was married and not at all interested in getting a girlfriend but his sick sense of humor kept him going with this sort of thing. He told me that I’d like the one because of her enormous boobs. Apparently these two ladies are pretty good friends and hang out together in their off hours. He told me how silly they looked on the beach together, the one being fuller-figured (with the huge knockers) and the other being skinny and flat-chested. I told him that I’d honestly be more likely to be attracted to the little one. He seemed perplexed when I told him that I tend to go for skinnier girls and that I don’t really have a boob thing. And then I told him, “That’s why God makes them all sizes and shapes.” Those words sum up my thoughts on it completely.

Penny and I saw an anomaly at the juice stand one day. This girl was the most beautifully amazing Amazon I’ve ever seen. She was WAY out of my regular tastes but smoking hot tasty good looking. I don’t know what was in the juice she was drinking but it was doing something for her evidently. The girl was pretty enough but her face alone would not have turned my head. She was incredibly muscly. Her arms had to be as big around as my thighs and her thighs were likely as big as my waist. Her overall shape was still very feminine but just muscly and powerful. She had a narrow waist and nicely proportioned hips. I commented to Penelope that there is an obvious hitch in the myth of female on male forced rape. That is that if a girl is powerful enough to force me into the act I don’t think my cock would perform well enough to make it possible. The Juice Stand Girl was the disproof of that idea though. She could have absolutely held me down to take it from me and I’m pretty sure my cock would have obliged her regardless of what my brain was saying to it.

I’ve always been under the impression that people usually had color palates that they were attracted to. I know that I am attracted to all kinds of coloration. I find sex appeal in natural blonde, brunette, asian black hair and copper tones of redheads as well as unnatural dyed tones of blue, pink, cherry, purple, etc. Deep African nearly blue-black skin drives me every bit as crazy as ivory pale tones that might hurt your eyes in direct sunlight because not everybody can actually tan. And then there are all the beautiful shades in between. Blue eyes, green eyes, or brown eyes are all wonderful. One thing that I love about brown eyes is that they seem to encompass a whole lot larger range of tones and specific details than the other color families. No two pairs of eyes are alike and they are all beautiful. Even then if you take the most beautiful woman in the world and she acts like a bitch it ruins the whole thing. I’ll cease to see the beautiful features and all of her ugly ones will be magnified. No matter how physically attractive beauty truly does come from within.

So fellas (“yeah?” fellas “yeah?”) if somebody asks you if you are a leg-man or a boob-man those aren’t the only two choices. I’d say that I’m not either in so much as there’s no one defining feature of a woman that’s going to turn me on more than everything else put together. Not usually anyway. I used to feel guilty for being attracted to women who look different from Penny. My introspection kind of bore the essence of this post. I can’t feel guilt for being attracted to many different types of women and Penny is only one girl. Penny is very much my type. She is a severe hottie. That’s not just my opinion either. That’s a true scientifically proven fact. I must be sensitive to make Penny feel loved and attractive even though I am attracted to women that look different from her. You can’t help who you are attracted to but you can choose what to do about it.

C-Span is showing 1.5 hour in right now. The rhetoric and bromides are flying. Fuck this. I’m going to put on some porn.

The reason that we as people are so fascinated by porn is that we like to escape reality into fantasy one in a while.  This is seriously the only reason I can think that anybody actually likes porn.  Unless I’ve just seen bad porn, they only really stick to one or two formulas and they fill in all the details with the same stuff over and over and over again.  And while on-screen sex can be a novel diversion, it wears thin very quickly.  To that end, I don’t understand why people have collections of the stuff or why people get addicted to it.  The actors and models are plucked and stuffed and sucked and tanned and oiled, and that all takes place before they get in front of the camera.  I don’t find them attractive.  The scenarios are uncreative and the sex is canned at best.  They bend over backwards to cover all the bases to appeal to the widest possible demographic, and lose much of what makes it interesting in the process.  In all fairness, as a personality type I’m less a watcher and more of a doer – in bed, in competition, sports, art, etc.  And yes, all above puns are fully intentional.

This is why I like fantasy role playing.  I find that Penny and I are far more creative, sexy, and attractive than anything we’ve seen on screen, even on our least ‘into it’ days.  I see no problem with a married couple getting lost in a fantasy for a little while.  Heck, I’d highly recommend and encourage it!  There’s nothing quite like pretending that my wife is some unknown stranger and that I’m a different guy who comes into her life in an odd circumstance.  I love it when I say to Penny, “Why don’t you go put on that little thing and we’ll pretend that you’re a such-and-such and I’m this guy and we meet in this random setting.”  It’s like a sexy game of charades where we both win in the end with an intense, wet orgasm.  It’s hard to fathom a better prize.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy Penelope for who she is – quite the opposite in fact.  I very much get off on seeing the direction that she takes a character.  I don’t think it would be nearly as fun for me if she was anybody else.  I know her well enough at this point that I can usually guess the general direction that she’s going to go, but only to a certain point.  She quite often surprises me with the details.  The predictability is sexy because it’s not monotonous, but is a reminder of the chemistry I still have with her.  Every once in a while, she goes way out in left field, and that’s hot too.  It reminds me that she is not tame, and even after so many years together, I still can only know her so well.  Fantasy role playing pulls you out of the routine of daily life, out of your comfort zone, and reminds you that your spouse is a wild, sexy mystery.  I can think of little else that is more healthy for an aging couple.

If you have never tried role playing with your spouse, you should.  Sexy costumes can be fun, but they aren’t necessary.  Don’t be afraid to make it dirty – it’s a fantasy after all.  Don’t feel like you have to get too far out of your comfort zone in order for it to ‘count’ though.  You can start at home or elsewhere.  It’s probably best to discuss the general scenario with your spouse prior to play, and lay down any boundaries you don’t want to cross.  Playing the maid and another house employee at a wealthy estate may seem contrived, but it makes for some very sexy adventures.  Acting as though you are two strangers that unwittingly got locked into a room together or trapped in a resort cabin covered in snow plays out for some exciting warmth generation (you know, for the sake of survival and all).  Something that the two of us have talked about but not actually tried is for one of us to ‘pick up’ the other at a bar.  As in literally, arrive at a bar separately and leave together as imaginary strangers for a night of passion.  That sounds like a lot of fun.  Pretend that you are two superheros that have picked the same stake-out point to nab a villain and your ensuing scuffle for turf turns passionate.  I know that last one seems just silly, but think about it.  It could be fun.  Of course, these are just a few suggestions.

The imagination truly is the only limit.  And, I believe that the average sexual partner is far more creative than the people who write, direct, and act in porn.  I know that Penny and I are!  Plus, it’s a great opportunity to experiment with methods and techniques that you might normally not feel comfortable trying.  When you are role playing you aren’t you after all!  I would add a caution to not make your characters after real life individuals.  Be generally someone else instead of someone else specifically.  It pushes the creativity envelope without risking feelings of jealousy.  Pick fictional names and make up a simple back story, either before hand or on the fly.  Above all, have fun with it.  If you try it a few times and it doesn’t work right, maybe it’s not for you.  Hey, porn is a multi-billion dollar industry, and I started this post by saying that it’s pointless!