Married Freaks

Clint and I are big fans of date nights, but sometimes the routine can get a little mundane.  You know, farm the kids out, rent a movie, eat take-out, get nude, not necessarily in that order. Although, I do recommend farming the kids out first.  That could be awkward and potentially illegal depending on who you use as a babysitter. Also, at least have a robe handy to greet the delivery boy. Again with the illegal and potentially ego killing when the kid with the pizza runs away.

But sometimes, it’s fun to spice things up a bit.  Ever tried to do date night on Tuesday? Or maybe a sexy Sunday brunch?

Make food at home and ‘deliver’ it to the bedroom and play out your favorite tried and true porn fantasy. Play it out like one of those confessions.

One of the best ways make your night unique is to try out some fun lube or toys from Adam & Eve.  That can certainly make it more successful when you try out that new position. And don’t be intimidated by the selection of things out there.  Start with something simple and experiment.  You may find new pleasures you didn’t know were available.

Make the effort.  Try something new.  Take dance lessons together because nothing makes intimate time better than being emotionally closer and more connected.  Dancing not your thing? Go rock climbing, check out a museum.  The new adventures will only serve to strengthen the bond between you.

*This post is brought to you by Adam & Eve. All thoughts and opinions belong to the author.”

The alarm buzzes in the morning darkness, but it’s not what wakes me.  No, my senses are brought to life by strong hands caressing my body. Expertly tracing the familiar lines of my hips. Warm, gentle kisses on the back of my neck send tingles down my spine.  He pulls me close as he has for so many mornings, and we make love before sunrise. I feel the power of his body as he spoons mine.  I grasp at our sheets as he enters me. Again and again.

The coffee people are wrong about the best part of waking up.

This weekend I bought Penny some plain white panties. She usually wears flashy thongs or boy shorts – the kind of panties that speak for themselves. I love her usual fare but I wanted her to have something simpler for a different kind of occasion. We wanted to be able to explore each others’ bodies for the very first time even after all the years and their associated experiences – which is hard to accomplish with the more colorful and elaborate kind of underwear she wears regularly. We have needed a safe place to start from. We were both a little scared. Everyone has a past and there can be a lot of pain in the history. Yesterday she wore the plain white panties and last night we played.

We were a young couple that were supposed to meet friends for a movie but we blew them off. Instead we started making out and one thing led to another. Kisses gave way to petting. Clothing came off. Petting got heavier. By the time those white panties came off, they were soaked with her juices. It was so incredibly hot! Over the years together we have had a lot of sex in a lot of different ways. What we had last night was new. It doesn’t replace or negate anything that we’ve shared in the past. But it was special. We shared a body-shaking orgasm that likely rattled the neighbors’ windows and dishes and measured as a needle blip on some seismograph somewhere. We had to clean the couch afterwards because we sprayed it. I was utterly spent which is unusual as I’m usually good for a few rounds.

This isn’t something that I’d really want to do everyday. Frankly it’s not really compatible with our regular lifestyle. But I do want to revisit it. It was simply too wonderful to not. Despite our fears we didn’t trip over any emotional baggage during this experience. Penny confessed to me after the fact that she felt like she was just being herself instead of playing a role as we often do. I think that made a difference too. I felt true to myself during the whole play as well. At this point I’m not sure exactly what I originally had in mind but last night far exceeded my expectations. It was something that I for one have needed for a while. It seemed to do Penny some good as well. The white panties aren’t an absolute necessity for this sort of thing but I’m not sure our experience would have really been possible without them. This may have not been the best time to write about it though. Just thinking about it is making me horny!

It’s no secret that Penny and I like to try new things from time to time. Some time back after we had intercourse she dropped to her knees and licked and sucked my member clean. Wow. I mean wow. I did NOT see that coming. As I recall it put me right back into action when she pulled this stunt and we went for a round 2. She hasn’t done this very often but has repeated this behavior from time to time and I love it!

One time after she’d done this she said that she’d like for me to return the favor or at least try to. Although I really enjoyed her doing this the thought of me doing it back seemed kind of gross to me. Don’t get me wrong I’ve eaten her out many many times. That doesn’t bother me. It was the thought of eating my own semen out of her that got to me. Even so I didn’t want to be insensitive or unaccommodating. So I told her that I wasn’t going to do it that time but I’d be screwing (heh) up my courage to try it soon. When I finally did try it I thought I was going to be sick. I’m not sure what it was about the experience but something about the combination of consistency and flavor made my stomach turned a little. Still I at least tried right?

The last entry on this website posted over a shameful month ago and authored by my bride reveals that we’ve made it a habit to start our morning with a little sexual activity. Yesterday morning I was working her over in the spoons position and just wasn’t getting quite the penetration I wanted. Additionally from Penny’s cues I felt that if I could get a little better penetration she’d get a bigger orgasm. So I pulled out and rolled her on her back. In the dim light in our bedroom I gazed at her wet and glistening pussy and it looked so delicious that I had to lick it. Judging from her reaction that was a good move. After only a few minutes I scaled my way back up into the missionary position and we finished up with mutual moans. I thought about that all day. So last night we started getting flirty and off came the clothing. And we made love. And then I went down.

Penny asked incredulously “Really?”

I answered with an “Mmm hmm” and a lick to her stimulated and thus super sensitive loins.

I don’t know if she had subsequent orgasm but she did breathe funny and seemed to enjoy it to some degree anyway. And I didn’t feel bad in any sense. It was fun. In fact it was so much dirty fun that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since. There is a slightly wet spot in my underwear because of my nasty brain. I’ve been doing my best to not be completely useless at work but I could have seriously called in today so Penny and I could just make a marathon of it. Oh well. Since the kids are gone for spring break maybe we’ll get an early start after work.

Doesn’t everyone want more intimacy in their relationship? Both physical and emotional?

I have a suggestion for you.  Incorporate morning sex into your daily routine.  You don’t have to get fancy about it.  I don’t know about you, but I am not getting up extra early to break out toys and costumes.

In fact, don’t get fancy about it. You want it to become a new habit.  The alarm goes off, and you snuggle up to your sweetie.  Soon, you’ll realize your bit of morning sex has become more important than your shower or coffee in getting your day going. And it makes you hate the sound of the alarm a whole lot less.

And by starting each day with physical intimacy, you’ll default to feeling more emotionally intimate too.  And then you can brag to your friends that you have sex a minimum of seven times a week.

Dear Gertrude,

You really creeped me out when you sent me that friend request on MyFace. I mean we had cruised along for ten peaceful years of me not hearing anything from you and then you tried to contact me out of the blue like that. What the crap? I didn’t want to hear from you. You know all those times you bumped into my friends and asked them to have me call you and then I didn’t? Those weren’t an accident. My friends didn’t forget to deliver your message. I was perfectly happy not talking to you and that’s why I didn’t call. You ever wonder why you never bumped into me? It’s because when I saw you out and about I avoided your ass! I was always more observant than you and I can make sure you never see me again even by coincidence. Just in case you forgot the order of events you broke up with me and then I wouldn’t have you back when you came crawling back. That was deliberate. I rejected you on purpose and I stand by the decision.

Then I saw your wedding announcement and then the pics. Alright. I get it. You aren’t trying to rekindle anything with me – you’re trying to clean your slate. Why we as humans feel the need to clear out our closets when we enter into permanent relationship status is anybody’s guess. Each of us has this stupid need to burn all the bridges – to eliminate all of the options. It’s as though we think that will strengthen the young commitment. Well you know what? I wasn’t available to you anyway. I wasn’t an option for you. Even if I didn’t have Penelope all this time, I wouldn’t take you back. I wouldn’t piss on you with a stolen dick if you were the last woman on earth with a bag over your head. It’s not an accident that we aren’t together and I don’t appreciate you acting otherwise.

But seriously. He looks like a nice man. I hope for his sake that he’s either a spineless pussy that doesn’t mind you pushing him around or that he’s an overbearing asshole that won’t put up with your shit. From your pics the two of you obviously make more money than Penny and I. Congratulations. Your parents must be so proud. You’ve got all the shit you ever wanted. That’s exactly why we couldn’t be together anymore. Shit is more important to you than people. And pleasing your parents was always your top priority. Do you know what I have that you could never give me? Do you know what I have that you can never attain? Penelope. You can’t even imagine the crazy kind of stuff that we do together simply because we like spending time together. You have your career and Mr. Wonderful has his career and you’ll never do half the crazy shit that Penny and I do. And I’m not talking about bedroom stuff either although I’d bet the assertion still applies.

No. Unless you’ve changed a lot your priorities are to keep working so you can buy stuff. You’ll never be happy that way. You wouldn’t take my advise when we were together so I know you won’t take it now. But I’m going to offer it anyway. You two need to work the same schedule. Don’t work any more than 40 hours a week. Even less is better. It may lead to less money but you don’t need a whole bunch of shit to be happy. You should always be on his side and vice versa. Have hobbies in common. Never treat him like he’s a child. Treat him as an equal. Accept no different from him. Make sure you are his greatest ally against all else and his closest friend. In other words he needs to be your top priority and you need to be his. Have babies together but never put them ahead of each other. Have your love at the expense of your career if necessary.

But unless you’ve changed a lot it’s not going to happen. Like the leopard’s spots I don’t think you’re capable of it. I hope for your sake and his that I’m wrong about that. Oh and – about burning bridges, this is how you do it. Then again you always were the noncommittal type. Anyway congratulations on your marriage. I give it five years tops. Don’t come crying to me when it falls apart on you. Don’t make me break up with you yet again. This shit gets old.

Never yours,

Clint J.

It’s true. Last night, I was awake at 3:30AM for no good reason.

Not that I’m disappointed in any opportunity to trace the muscles on a naked, sleeping Clint. He didn’t seem to think there was no good reason to be awakened either

Can’t sleep, may as well fuck, right? Couldn’t let those dark hours go to waste after all.

Besides, I always sleep better after a nice solid pounding, don’t you?

Firstly there’s nothing wrong with Penny and my love life. I’m still constantly looking for ways to spice it up anyway. I don’t think you can have a love life that’s too spicy. Making sure my boss wasn’t looking over my shoulder I did a quick Google search to see if I could find some fun new positions. Does that make me a complete dork of a horn-dog? Anyways I wound up on this website that has animated demos of 106 different sexual positions. The animations are crude. Well obviously but not like that. Suffice it to say that if porn makes you squeamish this isn’t likely to push your discomfort buttons. The little animated fuckers are cute enough but they aren’t incredibly lifelike. Some of the positions are a little redundant but they’re nice enough to reference the illustrated variations in the description text. Even my abstinent friends would probably enjoy the playful and sometimes witty blurbs that introduce each position. They are grouped into categories and can be searched by thusly. I wonder if Penny is flexible enough to try this even if only for a minute because it looks like fun! We’ve had a lot of fun in positions similar to this or this and I could see exploring a little more in that direction. I don’t think we’ve ever tried anything quite like this but color me intrigued! Lastly this just looks hot and I’m going to have to try it. If it feels half as good as it looks I’ll be happy. The website has a lot of features that I haven’t explored like an advice column and a forum. I just thought the sex positions were so cool I had to share.

I have pretty much always enjoyed giving cunnilingus. I find a vulva to be so kissable and lickable and pretty much irresistible to my mouth. It’s been something of an obsession actually. For a long time Penny was ho-hum about getting head at the best. I don’t think even she knows why it just didn’t do much for her. She would profess to enjoy it but it was clear that it was strictly foreplay to her.

Then one day a couple of years ago it was as if a switch was turned on in her head and suddenly she REALLY LIKED having her pussy eaten. I have only managed to give her the Big O a couple of times this way but have had her softly moaning and whimpering far more often under my tongue. In thinking about it I think it was a couple of factors that made the difference. At our age people tend to start dealing with baggage that we’ve neglected for a long time. She was able to work through some stuff that had her quite inhibited in bed. And I think my skills improved around the same time. I’m not going to claim to be an expert pussy licker or anything but I have refined my technique quite a bit based on her feedback – both verbal (note I didn’t say ‘oral’) and involuntary.

I really like to take my time and bring her to squirming crying Grand Mal Orgasm without using my dick. It feels like a real accomplishment to work someone over and deliberately and meticulously bring them that kind of pleasure. And then I fuck her. Autocunnilingus is one of my favorite fantasy concepts. I have no delusions that Penny will ever get so stretchy and bendy that she can lick her own pussy while I watch but I can dream. And the mental imagery makes me very horny.

Needless to say the pressures of everyday life keep us from these things all too often. Most of the time we settle for quickies because we haven’t properly budgeted our schedule. I need to practice what I preach and make time for sex. It’s entirely too easy to slip and let the circumstances call the shots. But the simple act of writing this down has me a little hot under the collar. I have a feeling that I know exactly what I’ll be doing tonight.

On a recent road trip, I was using the GPS on my phone.  And as phones do, it slipped between my thighs.
Apparently, I have no GPS between my thighs. 
Clint says that’s odd because when he’s between my thighs, he knows exactly where he’s going.